Relationship Quiz

Answer “yes” or “no” by each of the questions below to determine if you are at risk of finding yourself in a Sequential Relationship Pattern.

1. I am a hopeless romantic and have always dreamed of being swept away by my true love. 
2. I’m a quick thinker, follow my gut and often make rapid decisions.
3. I can’t stand being alone, much less living alone.
4. I love to take care of others and make things better for those around me while often ignoring  my own needs.
5. I often avoid making waves or having difficult discussions with my partner because I don’t like conflict and I’d rather be having fun.
6. If a date doesn’t have immediate physical appeal or chemistry, I’m not interested in exploring a relationship.
7. I find it easier if my partner makes the big decisions in our relationship.
8. I don’t always tell my partner what’s really on my mind, because it is more important to have a harmonious relationship.
9. I have often ignored my partner’s negative behaviors and actions toward me because I thought I must have done something to cause them.  Also, I often brushed them off as “no big deal.”
10. After ending a relationship, have you ever said, “I just didn’t get it right.  I picked the wrong partner again.  Next time, I’ll do a better job of choosing Mr. or Ms. Right.  And maybe I’ll have good luck.”
11. I see myself in the role of someone who needs to be rescued from a bad situation.
12. If my partner says I'm wrong or selfish or greedy, I think there must be a kernel of truth to it.
13. Bonus question:  Have you ever said, “I ___need*___ to find a partner because…."

*Try substituting “I desire to find a partner who can add joy to my already happy and fulfilling life.”
 
Scale:  If you answered yes to the following:
High Risk:  8-13 questions
Medium Risk:  4-7 questions
Low Risk: 0-3 questions

Are you Looking for a Life or a Lifestyle?

So often, individuals who are seeking partners develop a list of criteria that includes such non-negotiables as:

* must earn a certain level of income

* must love international travel

* must enjoy fine dining experiences

* etc., etc., etc.

While it is understandable that you are on the lookout for that special someone who can meet your expectations, and who possesses certain qualities you deem important, it is just as critical to be clear and honest with yourself about your true aspirations. Are you on the hunt for a partner who can provide you with that certain grand lifestyle you have longed for, or believe you deserve? Or are you truly seeking a partner with whom you can share your already contented and active life? If you answer yes to the second question, you’ll want use a telescope with magic powers to zero in on that person with whom you share mutual core values, and a few interests and passions in common.

I’ve observed too many situations, including experiencing one myself, where the allure of a particular lifestyle became the deciding factor when it came to choosing a long-term mate. I was in the early stages of adulthood, somewhat like a” floating cloud in the sky,” with no set direction and no strategy to get to any destination. I believed the status my potential partner offered at the time, along with the material assets that came with the whole package, would decide my life course and bring me happiness. Eventually, that decision turned out to be a big, unwelcome trade-off. I traded his decision about what lifestyle we would lead for the freedom to be ME -- to create, choose and have personal control over my own destiny.

So the next time someone says to you, “Wow! Looks like you’ve found a great catch,” ask yourself, Is that person a great catch because he/she or their family will provide me with a lifestyle of their choosing that I will have to go along with, without comment or complaint, or is he/she a great catch because they are willing to dance alongside me as I traverse life’s sometimes unexpectedly rocky road?

The World Is Your Oyster - Now Go Find That Pearl

Thanks to Karynne Summars for posting this article! Karynne is a former international corporate finance professional turned author/screenwriter. Her thriller drama romance novels Desperate Pursuit in Venice and Desperate Pursuit in Rio de Janeiro were published in 2013 and 2015.

I often consult with Millennial Men who are seeking gentle advice and practical solutions to their dating and relationship issues.  My initial approach during a 1-on-1 or small group session is to practice active and compassionate listening skills, so I can truly hear and understand their male perspectives . I then relate their experiences to my own relationship encounters, allowing me to openly and honestly share the pros and cons of my past behaviors, actions and decisions.  By my being bold, courageous and authentic in sharing my vulnerabilities and lessons learned, I am better able to guide my clients to a place of self-awareness. And, voila! Before we know it, they are answering their own questions and resolving their own issues. When this happens, I call myself the “Relationship Whisperer”!

I remind my male subjects, “The world is your oyster. Now, go find that pearl!” But first, I recommend that each guy follow a three-step process that will jumpstart his journey and, ultimately, lead him to his destination…that is, if his goal is to find a long-term partner. I advise, “If you are going to commit, do so by practicing preparedness, patience and prevention!  Be wise!”

Three-Step Process to Finding a Genuine Pearl!

Step 1:  Are you prepared to seek that Pearl?

Have you taken the time to look back before believing you're really ready to go ahead?

Have you acknowledged the pros and cons of your past relationship?

Do you fully understand your needs and requirements going forward?

Are you willing to change or erase negative behaviors and patterns that may have impacted your past relationship(s)?

Do you have a life strategy, and can you envision how a partner would fit into that future?

Step 2:  Do you have the patience to find the Pearl?

Are you committed to enjoy life to the fullest and be happy every day until you find the right partner?

Do you have what it takes to persevere in order to find the right person, rather than quickly settling on someone who is “good enough”?

Are you willing to take the time to do the necessary discovery to deeply know yourself and another person?

Are you willing to work with a potential relationship partner to develop trust?

Step 3:  Are you willing to practice prevention methods to avoid choosing the wrong Pearl?

Are you willing to be strong enough to immediately release unhealthy push/pull relationships?

Are you willing to watch for red flags that appear early on, and address them right away?

Are you willing to speak your truth and set boundaries?

Are you willing to say “Next” if the potential partner’s core values, passions and common interests don’t match up with yours?

Finally, you know you are ready to find that Pearl when:

You can be authentic and honest about the person who is truly right for you.

You can take the initiative in describing the kind of life you want to live together.

You know how to balance your head and your heart, and can recognize the difference between “love” and “lust” when making relationship decisions.

Are You Attempting to Escape From Yourself?

Staying active and seeking pleasure-filling outlets for one’s routine lifestyle can often generate excitement and joy…temporarily, at least. Seeking out that Sunday matinee, attending your favorite outdoor jazz festival, heading up to the ski slopes and, yes, even a mall-shopping excursion can provide badly needed fun in your stressful everyday life. But...be honest...are you using those diversions merely as an attempt to escape from the problems that are threatening to engulf you?

Pause for a moment and ask yourself, Am I the type of person who must stay on the run 24/7, including nights and weekends, in order to find some sort of fleeting, superficial happiness? Am I filling my social and work calendars to the max in order to avoid facing the annoying issues that keep cropping up in my life? Do I have urgent job, relationship, family, financial or health matters that need my attention? Is my desire to flee from the realities of my own existence on a regular basis simply a temporary solution to solving more pressing problems that really need to be addressed sooner rather than later?

Do yourself a favor! Assess whether you are navigating your life in the realm of reality or the fantasyland of denial. If, for instance, you feel as though you have to entertain yourself or be entertained on a fairly consistent basis, you may be trying to escaping from yourself. Everyone needs quiet time in order to contemplate, meditate and create. Are you allowing yourself time to just be with YOU – with no distractions, diversions, or outside stimulation?

Whether you are in a relationship with a partner or live by yourself, assess where you are and attempt to get to the bottom of what may be seeming to keep you running a nonstop marathon. Then throw in a dash of self-love and awareness, which might actually return you to a place of true joy and gratitude. And don’t forget to find precious time for that much-needed mental, emotional and physical rest necessary to support a truly healthy and happy lifestyle.

Seeking a Safe Harbor

Have you ever found yourself to be the sudden casualty of a broken relationship where you are placed in a desperate situation, needing to quickly find the next safe harbor? Have you hoped, and perhaps prayed, that there would be a magical person somewhere out there who could mend your broken heart, provide security and wipe all your troubles away – even those not directly connected to the previous match?

Maybe you've lost faith when you discovered that finding that proverbial “needle in a haystack” might be a lengthy and emotionally difficult process that seemed as though it would never end. Maybe you've asked yourself, will I ever find that safe haven? Will I ever be happy again?

Rather than convincing yourself that the next safe harbor will be found in the arms of that so-far-unmet perfect partner, try spending time identifying ways to find self-assurance, confidence and peace every day…even though you may be living by yourself.

You are the captain of your ship, and you have the responsibility for finding your own happiness. And guess what...the safe harbor you are seeking is right there, inside you.

So, when waves of anxiety, fear and negativity come crashing in on your shore, practice self-love and start believing in yourself. Listen to that little voice that whispers in your ear, “I don’t have to wait until I find the next best partner to enjoy life. I can do it right here, right now.”

Then promise yourself that before you embark on a new discovery voyage to seek the next great love of your life, you won’t leave port until you've fixed that torn sail, broken rudder or leaky hold. Address and jettison your past issues; you'll have a much better chance of identifying a partner well-suited for you.

Here’s to smooth sailing, everyone!

Celebrate St. Valentine’s Day in a New Style!

As St. Valentine’s Day approaches each year, I can’t help but question why, in many cases, the burden tends to fall on the guy to surprise his sweetheart with a piece of fine jewelry, a designer bag she has hinted about, a five-star fine dining experience or that Ecuadorian bouquet of red roses. What if the tables were turned and the burden fell on her to, say, book and pay for a surprise weekend at a lavish resort, purchase brand-new snowboarding equipment for her love or break her piggy bank open to afford the latest technology gadget he’s been talking about. Either way, the pressure to celebrate with lavish gifts and surprises can get a bit out of hand.

Rather, shouldn’t this be a time for both parties to honor the couple’s relationship, whether it's still in that sizzling-hot, brand-new discovery phase or has been road-tested for some time, and simply needs a jumpstart to get it back on the fast track?

Instead of stressing about whose responsibility it is to do what for whom on Valentine’s Day, both the guy and the gal in the couple could have fun deciding on ways to enjoy that special day without breaking the bank.

Here are five tips for celebrating Valentine’s Day that won’t blow your budget!

1. Meet for a sushi lunch in the middle of the workday. Each person brings a red rose, and a romantic note that lists 10 things they appreciate about their special someone.

2. Leave work early and meet at your favorite wine bar. Clink your glasses, enjoy a couple of appetizers and head home for a cozy Netflix evening.

3. Plan an Ugly Valentine’s Day Sweater pizza party with friends. Give your love First Prize in the contest, but don’t tell him or her what that “after-hours surprise” will be. Wink, wink!

4. Plan to do an activity on Valentine’s Day evening that you’ve never tried before, i.e., a cooking class, indoor rock-climbing, bowling, go-karting or ice-skating. Finish the evening with a champagne toast to being adventurous and in love.

5. Prepare a picnic and drive to your favorite lookout point. Enjoy your romantic experience outside the car on a picnic blanket in a warm climate, or inside the car if it's cold. Who knows what could develop later in the evening?

So, instead of dropping hints to your lover in hopes of receiving a lavish gift you’ve been wanting, remind yourself that Valentine's Day is not just about you! It’s about both of you!

Break that pattern. Collaborate with your sweetheart on how best to spend Valentine’s Day to honor your relationship. Whatever you choose, do it with sincerity, authenticity and most of all, with love.

Blog Talk Radio: January Jones Interviews Pam Evans

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

5 Days, 5 Relationship Tips

Day 1:  Tip of the Day:

Going into a relationship with "eyes wide shut" will guarantee some unexpected and, perhaps, unwanted results.  Put your glasses on to help you filter the rays while you're out there scouting for your partner.

Day 2: 

I promise myself I will never seek a partner because:

I'm feeling lonely and emotionally needy

I'm seeking financial security

I'm feeling pressure from family and friends

I'm seeking freedom and independence from a co-dependent situation

Day 3:  

Remember, you are not in a committed relationship if your partner isn't aware.  Make sure both parties are on the same page. Don't forget to do regular check-ins.

Day 4:  

Soulmates are people with whom you have a strong connection.  You may have more than one soulmate in your lifetime and they may appear on your relationship journey to accompany you as you experience a situation.  A soulmate may also be present for a time to teach you a lesson.  Instead, when seeking a long-term committed partner, keep your eyes open for your "twin flame".  As a couple, twin flames can have a powerful impact and together open new pathways and create opportunities that will bring joy to their lives and enhance their relationship.

Day 5: 

Always remain conscious when dating and remember to choose wisely. You'll thank yourself in months and years to come!

Signs Your Relationship Won't Survive The Holidays. Is Your Relationship Doomed This Holiday Season? Let's Find Out

Getty Images

Thank you AskMen for the feature!

Lindsay Tigar

While summer might feel like the busiest season for couples — weddings, vacations and more! — the holiday season can be the most stressful time. Depending on how long you’ve been together, you’re suddenly faced with a lot of decisions together. From if you’re ready to take the next step and meet each other’s families to how you’ll split the time between your office party and hers — the ‘happiest’ time of the year can make or break your relationship.

“Each partner already has a full plate with events, but now add to the mix: too little time, too little sleep,” relationship expert and author Pam Evans says. “From year-end deadlines at work, financial pressure, the company party your partner drags you to, social obligations with family (whether in-laws or outlaws!), friends and colleagues, to possibly travel to a holiday destination. It’s a lot.”

These signs, straight from experts, tell you if you’re relationship has what it takes to make it from Thanksgiving to New Year’s… and still be in love:

Sign #1: You Aren't Willing To Compromise

A big part of the holiday season will be saying ‘no’ to the events you simply don’t have to. Another key element is definitely compromise: You can make some of her events, but you might have to skip a few of your own, and vice versa. If neither of you are willing to let go of control, then you’ll end up fighting each week about your plans.

“If one or both partners are guilty of consistent finger-pointing, nagging or using power manipulation tactics, you’re definitely in the danger zone,” Evans says. “If one partner focuses 100% of his or her time on getting their own needs met, without consideration or respect for what is good for the other partner, this type of behavior will eventually wear away whatever luster may have existed when the relationship was new.”

Experts advise to come together as a couple — preferably over some wine or booze — and list everything that you both have been invited to. Leave no detail out — even include shopping time for those you care about. Then you can go through each and figure out which ones you want to attend together, which ones you can fly solo at and which ones you both want to skip. Especially in the early stages of your relationship — less than a year of dating — it’s important to be open to your first holiday season with new traditions.

Sign #2: You Can’t Save Face In Front Of Family

If the stress of the holidays is causing so much stress between you that you can’t come together as a couple in front of your family members — it’s going to be a really awkward holidays. Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, co-authors of Designer Relationships, say it’s a bad sign when you’re disgruntled to the point of not being able to rectify the situation. “Being disrespectful to one another at a family gathering can be another scary sign,” they say. “Losing face among loved ones is a form of public humiliation and can be horribly undermining. If it’s a pattern that repeats itself, it’s a strong indication that there are deeper problems.”

If you see that your relationship is breaking at the seams, it might be time to have a tough conversation together to see if you’d like to take some space to spend the holidays with your respective families. While it’s not a great foreshadowing to your relationship, it may be the only thing that saves it.

Sign #3: You Can’t Make It Through A Holiday Movie Without Arguing

While it may feel frantic at the holiday season, one of the best parts of being in a relationship is having a safe haven where you can rest, relax and recharge. If sitting together on the couch to watch a holiday special movie turns into another fight about something, you might be in trouble. Personal development coach and author, Peggy Sealfron says: “If every decision you make whether it’s about what time to have dinner or what movie to see becomes a debate, you’re entering a no-relationship zone. Cooperation, understanding and friendship are the keys to a sustainable partnership. It shouldn’t be a battleground.”

If you really want to save your love and make it work, suggest you take a break from the holiday chaos and do something that you’ve always enjoyed together. Maybe it’s going to your favorite bar or a long drive on the parkway — whatever it is, use that time to get back to where you started and reestablish the reasons you choose each other to begin with.

Sign #4: You’re Not Having Sex

Let’s face it — if you’re upset or stressed about nearly anything, a great orgasm will make you feel better pretty quickly. If you can’t find a common ground in the bedroom, it’s going to be a long winter. “If you’re feeling rejected and neither of you can even talk about your likes and dislikes to at least cultivate an emotional intimacy, your couplehood is doomed,” Sealfron says. “Communication is an important factor in order to encourage desire.”

To encourage more sex that’ll bring you closer together, you might want to make some romantic gestures and do things that’ll really get her in the mood.

“Many couples become absorbed in meeting all the other demands that are placed on them during what should be a joyous and festive time, rather than paying attention to what is really important…this special time to truly enjoy their relationship,” Evans says. “ Step out of the frenzy and share some intimate time as a couple which will help you both get through the holidays.”

Modern Living with Kathy Ireland Explores Changing The Way You Approach Building Relationships with Pam Evans

MMP (USA) presents Pam Evans on the set of Modern Living with kathy ireland

Tune into E! Entertainment Network as sponsored programming on Thursday, November 5, 2015 and Bloomberg International on Sunday, November 8, 2015. See market by market listings below.

Los Angeles, CA - November 2, 2015 - Pam Evans, a woman that is changing the way people search for relationships in a strategic manner, is a featured interview on Modern Living with kathy ireland.

During the segment, Kathy Ireland interviewed Pam Evans, a relationship strategist who helps people identify their limiting patterns so they can break them and achieve the success they desire.

Pam commented on the challenges of achieving healthy relationships by stating, "I think it's because they rush into them so quickly and often from a state of need. They have this fear of being alone, they are looking for financial stability, and sometimes there is pressure from family and friends to get into a relationship. I also think that people do not do a good job of vetting their partner and go into the relationship with unrealistic expectations."

Pam also commented on how she helps people in these cycles by stating, "I help people in a lot of ways because I have made the mistakes myself. I come from a place of compassion and kindness. I really help people try to discover who they are as individuals first before they go into a relationship."

Learn more about what Pam can do for your dating life on the upcoming segment of Modern Living with kathy ireland.

JL Haber, Vice President of Programming, stated, "There are many ways to start a new relationship in this modern world but many of them go about the process completely wrong. Pam Evans is revolutionizing this process by looking at it from a strategic standpoint."

Tune in to see Pam Evans on E! Entertainment Network as sponsored programming on November 5, 2015 at 6:30am ET/PT and on November 8, 2015 on Bloomberg International as sponsored programming at 8:00am CET and 10:00am CDT and 3:00pm HKT.

About Modern Living with kathy ireland

Modern Living with kathy ireland is a weekly business television program featuring real-world insights from corporate executives from all over the globe.

Modern Living with kathy ireland airs Thursday mornings throughout North America on E! Entertainment Network as part of their sponsored programming lineup and to over 50 countries throughout the world on Sundays on Bloomberg International as part of their sponsored programming lineup.

Distributed by Modern Living with kathy ireland® 

Media Contact
Company Name: MMP (USA), Inc.
Contact Person: Gila Stern I Communications Director
Email: gstern@mmpusa.com
Phone: 561-988-9455 x269
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Website: www.modernlivingtv.com

Relationship Experts Reveal: How to Survive a First Date

Source: iStock

Thank you Sheiresa Ngo for including me as an expert!

First dates can be exciting, yet nerve wracking. You want to make a good impression, look nice, and say all the right things. But how can you be cool, calm, and collected when your heart is racing? Four relationship experts shared secrets with the Cheat Sheet on how to date like a boss. READ MORE